This week we have TK joining the Stay Talking Ish podcast. Hopefully, she can balance out all the misogyny coming from one particular host of the show. We discuss the hype surrounding the new album dropped by Jay-Z, 4:44. Take a listen to find out what grade we gave the album and if it deserves to be considered a classic.
This week on the Stay Talking Ish podcast we share an interview we did with the daughter of Maggie Bozeman.
In 1979, Pickens County(Alabama) officials accused Maggie Bozeman and her longtime friend Julia Wilder of casting absenteeballots for 39 senior residents without their permission. All-white state-court juries convicted both black women of vote fraud. Bozeman and Wilder denied any wrongdoing, and the convictions sparked national outrage.
When the two were jailed in 1982, civil rights activists organized a procession from Montgomery to the Pickens county courthouse of Carrollton. Bozeman and Wilder spent fifteen days in prison and ten months in a work-release center before being paroled. the combination of pressure from protesters and the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, also as media coverage, brought attention to the case—and, ultimately, a federal choose threw out the cases against both.
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I am learning a rough lesson in this relationship/ marriage thing. What is that lesson you might ask. She is lying. She is lying. She is lying. Maybe that is being tough on women. Maybe I am just being extra selfish in my comments today…….. but unless she is showing you documents and her actions match her words (or what you need) the whole year prior to you getting marriage, she is lying. And IF she is not lying to you, YOU ARE LYING TO YOURSELF nigga.
I knew that she was not the perfect one. The first two years had been perfect but the second two years had been rocky. This is where I first started lying to myself. Lie number one. I thought she could be the person she used to be. Whoever that person is not, that who you can expect to be with. They say it takes 66 days to create a habit (unlike the common belief that it takes 3 weeks). So if she has been acting a certain way for more than 2 months, THAT’S THE REAL HER!!! Don’t get stuck in the over sentimental memories of how things used to be or sweet memories, that lady has moved on and that chic that stands before you is the real her. The old her has moved on and whatever is before you is what you got. Don’t be a fool!!!
I made a list of things that I needed for a successful relationship a month out from getting married. I should have made that list a year out but I will blame it on the long distance relationship. Just know that if you have made a list of things that you need in a relationship or marriage, you already know what you are missing. And if she gives you a quick verbal yes, as Tommy said in the movie Belly “The bitch is lying!” This is lie number two. She is lying to you and you are lying to yourself! My list was simple from a man’s point of view.
1. Healthy cooking and going to the gym together.
2. Non foreplay head. Just because head.
3. Financial responsibility.
4. A smile and a kiss when I come in the house.
5. Her having a job. We agreed this was not going to be a housewife type situation.
6. Better communication.
7. A quiet space for me.
Guess what our issues are still. Matter if fact. We will call them my issues because I am tired of arguing.
1. Why is she cooking this big pan of brownies but only eating one. She know I love brownies. And why am I paying for this Planet Fitness membership that she hasn’t used in months. (She does cook better sometimes)
2. Still no head and I ain’t begging anymore.
3. She won’t ask for money when she needs it but every time I drive the family car, she complains I am using up all her gas.
4. I am still reminding her about his kiss and smile thing.
5. That job thing is still an issue but we are working on it.
6. She acts like not talking about something makes the issue go away.
7. I am now in the kids room since they are gone for the summer. I put the Apple TV in the living room with the cable. She moved it back. She watches TV in both rooms and she gets mad when I am in the kids room for quietness.
She never consciously planned on changing. She just gave me a quick answer.
Pacification – Lie number three
I can’t say she never changed. I just can say that the change was not permanent. During the rough times when I considered breaking up with her and we went to counseling, we had periods of bliss. But it was short lived. After I was no longer a bother and things seemed to get better, things returned to the way they were. So that really is just pacifying the situation. Which means she does not really plan on changing, she is just trying to fix the situation for the moment. Basically she is lying about changing. Don’t be a sucker.
If she cannot share her bank account statement with you, not only is she lying about being financially stable, but she is broke. Flat broke. If her car break down she can’t afford to get her car fixed, broke. She is living paycheck to paycheck, broke. And there is nothing wrong with being broke unless you are LYING about being broke. Lie number four. A person in a serious relationship is willing to show bank statements proving her financial stability. If she doesn’t, you will have arguments about who is paying for dinner, gas money, why she is broke for the month and using your card to order things online. We are assuming you are a trustworthy man who is financially stable yourself and won’t try to steal her money.
I could go on and on but I think I have made my point. If you wouldn’t hire her for a job and not that Stevie J type hiring, you might want to be honest with yourself. If you take away the sex and the love emotions, and you not left with much, you might want to be honest with yourself. If you not getting sloppy toppy because she likes giving sloppy toppy, nigga it ain’t worth it …… I mean you might want to be honest with yourself. And if she lying in the relationship, while you are trying in the relationship, you might want to be honest with yourself.
Moral of the story: If the relationship don’t fit, it’s better to quit.
~ The Selfish Dude ~
Valerie Castile, Philando Castille’s mother, gave an passionate speech at a televised press conference where she spoke truth to power, but kept her comments clean enough for the public. But, on Facebook live, Valerie let it all go.
This week on the Stay Talking Ish podcast The Selfish Dude joins us to talk about the Power of the Pleasure Box. We discuss if the pleasure box really holds that much power and where that power comes from. We speak on why men act the way they do when they get some good “ooowee.” Also , Barxdale warns some woman not to overrate their pleasure box. Make sure to comment and subscribe.
Good morning. I want to talk to you in the most honest way I know how. I really enjoy our time together. You make me laugh and you keep a smile on my face. Your energy is fantastic and when we are “together”, I can’t stop thinking about you. With that being said, I promise you my action will not match my words. I grew up enjoying the company of females……. so if we have sex, I will not know how to just smash/ fuck/ beat chops. Because I enjoy your company, I will do things like spend the night, send you little cards and go out to dinner and other places. Which is exactly what I was doing before we decided to fuck up some sheets up. I am an attentive person because that is what a good friend is though this my make me a special man, I promise it is not special enough to negate the fact that I told you that “I ain’t shit”.
I know you are wondering what makes me just come out and say this. It is probably because this is not my first time being a nice guy, having sex and being a good friend. You would think that is a recipe for magic. But the reality is that I know it is going to cause confusion and I want to get an understanding before it goes any further. I can be your friend, allowing us enjoy each other’s company with no issues. The need to be sexually active will not go away and I will probably be knocking someone else’s boots. We can just mutually please each other sexually, but that will not negate the need to have a close friendship with a person or people. Or we can be friends with benefits, but that will eventually cause a riff in our friendship because I still stick by my initial mindset that “I ain’t shit” aka “I am not looking for a relationship but we can keep doing what we are doing”, even if it is a nice way.
So what am I trying to tell you is no matter what you feel, this is not real. And since it is not real, there is a possibility that I am making someone else feel the same way at the same time, following the same rules. You would think my time management skills would not be that good, but they are. If you are going to love me, you need to love me with your head and not your heart. Also, understand I can fulfill long term, temporary positions. Like stripper in a strip club, I am selling fantasies. And like a dude in that club, you are trying to be that one in a hundred that actually pull and monogamously date one. And as nice as I am, I will not choose what you want over what I want. The rules of self-preservation always continually applies here.
Side note: Getting pregnant does not validate feeling. The condom broke or I just like the way it feels raw. It does not mean we have a deeper connection, it just means my little head ill-advised my bighead.
Side note: Just because I did that extra freaky shit just mean the force was strong and you have cute body parts.
Moral of the Story: If you want to play, don’t watch what I do, listen to what I say.
The Selfish Dude
On this week’s episode The Selfish Dude joins us to take about success. We discuss what success means to us and how our views of success has changed over time. Also, Barxdale spends the first few minutes overjoyed about his acceptance into his Doctorate program. Please make sure to like and comment.
This may be the biggest secret that women know but don’t want to acknowledge. It is like putting a sexy R. Kelly song on repeat, then expecting that one semi-Christian song to play. Yeah, he has a conscious but the rest of his album is about getting that booty, rubbing that booty and fucking. Sure, his momma probably raised him right but the street eventually get him, one way or another. Maybe it he is really about that life, maybe it was the music or maybe it is just in his flesh, but it is there.
It does not matter what he say.
- I just want to take time to get to know you more.
- I enjoy when we are together, letting the situation grow naturally. (or any variation of this)
- It feels so good not having everyone in our business. You know how people be.
- I am excited to see where this goes
- I can imagine doing this to forever. (while having sex or not)
- I want us to be together but….. , I want us to be like this forever…… or Promise me that you will always …….
- I like not having the pressure of a relationship.
- I love you.
It does not matter what he does
- Spends the night
- Cooks breakfast
- Plays with your kids
- Take you shopping, pay a bill or take you on a trip
- Talks about kids
- Daydream with you about the future
- Meet your parents, your best friend, go to church together, go to your family reunion
- Listen to you claim that you are together
- Treat his momma, aunt, sister, daughter, niece nice
- Talk about what he will do if someone treats a woman in his family wrong
It does no matter what he says before, during, or after sex
- Tell you he loves you.
- Hit it raw with no condom.
- Nut up in you (I swear this has to be the biggest trick of the devil. You tell him you want to feel it. He knows he shouldn’t but it fulfills his “Take this nut. Ughh, you nasty” fantasy).
- You swallow.
- He eats the pussy.
- He eats your ass or you eat his ass.
- Anything said with the 24 hours before or after you both had sex
- Add any comment that you want to be a sucker for: ___________________________________
It does not even matter what his personality
- Nice, patient, loving, caring, attentive, blah blah blah …………..blah blah
Until he says “We are together in an exclusive relationship where we are not dating other people or physically involved with other people” ya’ll are just fucking and he has no obligation in his head, heart or pants to you. He might care but there is nothing you can say to him to make him feel like he lied. He may have misled you, but just like misled and lied are spelled different, that is how different it is to us. Yeah, there are some letters that are shared, but they are not the same. It sounds good when looking to give him some of that “sweet pussy pie”, but you can not use your rationalization to keep giving him some of that pudding. But like a stripper selling dreams and fantasies, we are selling the same thing with a side of stiff dick.
Moral of the Story: I he is not claiming you, he just claiming that pussy with a side a friendship AKA “We Cool!”
-The Selfish Dude
Making love is a beautiful thing. It allows you to be close to the one that you love. To look deep into her eyes, watch her fuck faces and watch her climax into infinity. You can turn her over and watch her bury her head into the sheets as her butt is tooted up in the air. It is a beautiful way to plant your seed deep into her bosom and procreate, bringing forth new life like plants in the field, replenishing the world and carrying on the family bloodline. People have been making loving since the beginning of time, which is why we are all here. Making love is such a stress relief.
But there is something to be said about head. I am not talking about that foreplay head or that head you give to finish off a sexual escapade. I’m talking about that “I had a long day” day head. That one sided head like “Let me take care of you and finish cooking dinner head” or that “ Let me suck you off right quick and go over the kids homework” head. That “Jump in the shower after a playing ball for 2 hours head”. People keep telling me hoes/thots are winning. That may be true in some cases, but I suspect head may be the culprit.
Don’t get me wrong. We love that you can cook. We appreciate how good of a mother you are. We love that you are career driven. We even love the deep conversation. Gifts are nice too. And we don’t want you to stop that but, rather and, we need something that drains our energy. We need something that requires no effort from us other than pulling down our pants. Something that makes us forget that anything else in the world exist. You would think sex does that, but sex is the transference of energy from one person to another. Head is energy being stolen. It is like someone temporarily stealing our soul for a moment in time, especially if you are doing it right. This is what your so called “Thots and Beckys” understand. They know no matter how fucked up they are, the head will make a man at least think twice. Random head that does not immediately turn into sex should be done once or twice a week. It is just the polite thing to do for your man. A lot of women are getting comfortable and forgetting about this beautiful gift, which cost nothing but a little time.
Disclaimer: This applies to wives, wifeys, and main chicks.
Moral of the Story: Want to be a winner, give some head for dinner.
The Selfish Dude
My momma used to say God is trying to warn you when you are doing something wrong. Well many people may not believe in Him. But have you ever noticed when you do something on last time that is when everything hits the fan. That is when everything goes bad. You have done something wrong a million times, but when you conscious finally gets to you and you say in your mind “I am going to do this one last time”, that is when everything fucks up. That last drink. That last key of coke. That last time you want to smash an old fling before settling down. That last $20 dollars you tried to steal out of the cash register from that job that sucks. That last 2 miles driving drunk, trying to make it to the house. You just had to cuss you boss out one last time.
That one last time never seems to be productive. You think it is a good idea because it has always worked before, but when you hear the “One last time” voice, you need to know that you are about to fuck up your life. That’s when you get locked up. That when you get the DUI. That is when coke monster makes you addicted. That is when she gets pregnant and takes you to court. That’s when you get caught on camera sticking that twenty twen twen in your pocket. That’s when instead if cussing your box out, you put those paws. That’s when the pussy get’s so good that you don’t know if you want to be with your wife or with your side chic/ your husband or that side nigga that is saying all that good shit in your ear and banging your back out.
It is always the little extra that fucks up the game. It’s always the greed that spoils the hustle. The moment when you go against what your mind is trying to tell you about your wrong doing, that is when trouble is around the corner. The universe is trying to warn you ……….. but go ahead with your dumb ass thoughts. You right. If you just do it one last time, everything will be alright. SIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Moral of the story: Let the last time be the last time.
The Selfish Dude