Don’t Get Too Comfortable

Don’t get too comfortable……… No matter how old

Let me tell you a story. So I am messing with this old head. Let’s call her Kamisha. She is about forty-three. She got a body like a twenty-five year old. Her own place. Raised her kids and currently raising her sister’s kids. She has her own house, two cars, works and goes to school. We on the same playing field, so even though I am in a dedicated long distance relationship, you know me, I am thinking this might be a good look temporarily until my long distance relationship turns into something more (yes, this is absolutely wrong but I couldn’t help myself—bad habits die hard). Plus, she live is Las Vegas, which is like my second home.

We start off as friends. She lets me borrow a car while I am there, plus I can crash at the house. So, I am partying in Vegas and we hang out a little bit. As time goes on, I go from sleeping in a separate bedroom to sleeping in her bedroom. Each visit to Vegas becomes a trip where I can party and still come to her house and have some guaranteed “buns” to smash. Let’s call them honey buns. Matter of fact, sweet cakes. Matter of fact…you get what I am saying!

Now, I figure we are two mature people. I know we should not be having unprotected sex, but we have both gone to get this medical paperwork verifying our clean bill of health (that STD check) and she is on birth control (that is what she told me), so we start fucking raw dog with no protection. I’m beating cakes like there is no tomorrow. I am figuring that we are friends with extreme benefits. I’m high fiving myself and looking at my job well done as I put her ass to sleep time after. She doesn’t care what I do or so I think.

Well, eventully my long distance relationship comes to live with me, but before she does, you know me, I have to smash Kamisha more time. Ok, several more times on this four day weekend. On day two of this weekend, everything comes to light. She sees the message from my lady. Kamisha goes crazy BUT we fuck like it is the last time for the next two days, doing things we have never done before. Now, I should have known something was going to go wrong.

Three months later she tells me she is pregnant. I send her money for the abortion. Nine months later she tells me she had the baby. She says she wants me to be happy, so don’t tell my lady, but she knows I am a good father. So, I start paying her child support. She says she does not want it but she keeps. Things are what they are. I tell my lady and we break up. Seven months goes by and I am getting pictures all the time, but because of my job, I have not been able to visit yet, but we are skyping three times a week.I go to meet up with a mutual friend and he says, “Dog, she ain’t got no baby, that is her grandchild. She has done this to other guys! She told me and my wife she was going to get you back for playing with her heart.”

I look at her social media page and her daughter’s social media page—same baby. She must have been babysitting her grandchild at night or something. I try to see if there is a birth certificate or social security card. She refuses to show me. Then, she asks me to leave me and her family alone.

Where did I go wrong? I got too comfortable. I should have never taken the condom off. I should have never thought I was the only one playing games. I should have never thought I could play house and her feeling were not going to get involved. I never saw the games she was going to play. I lost my whole relationship over some random, but very good pussy. She got thousands of dollars from me. Age never determines a person’s mindset. They can be as crazy as they come. I had to learn, when you playing the game, you must keep playing.

Moral of the story: When you start a game playing chess, don’t try to start playing checkers. Don’t get too comfortable!!!

The Selfish Dude

Somebody In This Relationship is Lying


I am learning a rough lesson in this relationship/ marriage thing. What is that lesson you might ask. She is lying. She is lying. She is lying. Maybe that is being tough on women. Maybe I am just being extra selfish in my comments today…….. but unless she is showing you documents and her actions match her words (or what you need) the whole year prior to you getting marriage, she is lying. And IF she is not lying to you, YOU ARE LYING TO YOURSELF nigga.

I knew that she was not the perfect one. The first two years had been perfect but the second two years had been rocky. This is where I first started lying to myself. Lie number one. I thought she could be the person she used to be. Whoever that person is not, that who you can expect to be with. They say it takes 66 days to create a habit (unlike the common belief that it takes 3 weeks). So if she has been acting a certain way for more than 2 months, THAT’S THE REAL HER!!! Don’t get stuck in the over sentimental memories of how things used to be or sweet memories, that lady has moved on and that chic that stands before you is the real her. The old her has moved on and whatever is before you is what you got. Don’t be a fool!!!

I made a list of things that I needed for a successful relationship a month out from getting married. I should have made that list a year out but I will blame it on the long distance relationship. Just know that if you have made a list of things that you need in a relationship or marriage, you already know what you are missing. And if she gives you a quick verbal yes, as Tommy said in the movie Belly “The bitch is lying!” This is lie number two. She is lying to you and you are lying to yourself! My list was simple from a man’s point of view.

1. Healthy cooking and going to the gym together.

2. Non foreplay head. Just because head.

3. Financial responsibility.

4. A smile and a kiss when I come in the house.

5. Her having a job. We agreed this was not going to be a housewife type situation.

6. Better communication.

7. A quiet space for me.

Guess what our issues are still. Matter if fact. We will call them my issues because I am tired of arguing.

1. Why is she cooking this big pan of brownies but only eating one. She know I love brownies. And why am I paying for this Planet Fitness membership that she hasn’t used in months. (She does cook better sometimes)

2. Still no head and I ain’t begging anymore.

3. She won’t ask for money when she needs it but every time I drive the family car, she complains I am using up all her gas.

4. I am still reminding her about his kiss and smile thing.

5. That job thing is still an issue but we are working on it.

6. She acts like not talking about something makes the issue go away.

7. I am now in the kids room since they are gone for the summer. I put the Apple TV in the living room with the cable. She moved it back. She watches TV in both rooms and she gets mad when I am in the kids room for quietness.

She never consciously planned on changing. She just gave me a quick answer.

Pacification – Lie number three

I can’t say she never changed. I just can say that the change was not permanent. During the rough times when I considered breaking up with her and we went to counseling, we had periods of bliss. But it was short lived. After I was no longer a bother and things seemed to get better, things returned to the way they were. So that really is just pacifying the situation. Which means she does not really plan on changing, she is just trying to fix the situation for the moment. Basically she is lying about changing. Don’t be a sucker.

If she cannot share her bank account statement with you, not only is she lying about being financially stable, but she is broke. Flat broke. If her car break down she can’t afford to get her car fixed, broke. She is living paycheck to paycheck, broke. And there is nothing wrong with being broke unless you are LYING about being broke. Lie number four. A person in a serious relationship is willing to show bank statements proving her financial stability. If she doesn’t, you will have arguments about who is paying for dinner, gas money, why she is broke for the month and using your card to order things online. We are assuming you are a trustworthy man who is financially stable yourself and won’t try to steal her money.

I could go on and on but I think I have made my point. If you wouldn’t hire her for a job and not that Stevie J type hiring, you might want to be honest with yourself. If you take away the sex and the love emotions, and you not left with much, you might want to be honest with yourself. If you not getting sloppy toppy because she likes giving sloppy toppy, nigga it ain’t worth it …… I mean you might want to be honest with yourself. And if she lying in the relationship, while you are trying in the relationship, you might want to be honest with yourself.

Moral of the story: If the relationship don’t fit, it’s better to quit.

~ The Selfish Dude ~

Ya’ll Are Not Together


This may be the biggest secret that women know but don’t want to acknowledge. It is like putting a sexy R. Kelly song on repeat, then expecting that one semi-Christian song to play. Yeah, he has a conscious but the rest of his album is about getting that booty, rubbing that booty and fucking. Sure, his momma probably raised him right but the street eventually get him, one way or another. Maybe it he is really about that life, maybe it was the music or maybe it is just in his flesh, but it is there.

It does not matter what he say.

  • I just want to take time to get to know you more.
  • I enjoy when we are together, letting the situation grow naturally. (or any variation of this)
  • It feels so good not having everyone in our business. You know how people be.
  • I am excited to see where this goes
  • I can imagine doing this to forever. (while having sex or not)
  • I want us to be together but….. , I want us to be like this forever…… or Promise me that you will always …….
  • I like not having the pressure of a relationship.
  • I love you.

It does not matter what he does

  • Spends the night
  • Cooks breakfast
  • Plays with your kids
  • Take you shopping, pay a bill or take you on a trip
  • Talks about kids
  • Daydream with you about the future
  • Meet your parents, your best friend, go to church together, go to your family reunion
  • Listen to you claim that you are together
  • Treat his momma, aunt, sister, daughter, niece nice
  • Talk about what he will do if someone treats a woman in his family wrong

It does no matter what he says before, during, or after sex

  • Tell you he loves you.
  • Hit it raw with no condom.
  • Nut up in you (I swear this has to be the biggest trick of the devil. You tell him you want to feel it. He knows he shouldn’t but it fulfills his “Take this nut. Ughh, you nasty” fantasy).
  • You swallow.
  • He eats the pussy.
  • He eats your ass or you eat his ass.
  • Anything said with the 24 hours before or after you both had sex
  • Add any comment that you want to be a sucker for: ___________________________________

It does not even matter what his personality

  • Nice, patient, loving, caring, attentive, blah blah blah …………..blah blah

Until he says “We are together in an exclusive relationship where we are not dating other people or physically involved with other people” ya’ll are just fucking and he has no obligation in his head, heart or pants to you. He might care but there is nothing you can say to him to make him feel like he lied. He may have misled you, but just like misled and lied are spelled different, that is how different it is to us. Yeah, there are some letters that are shared, but they are not the same. It sounds good when looking to give him some of that “sweet pussy pie”, but you can not use your rationalization to keep giving him some of that pudding. But like a stripper selling dreams and fantasies, we are selling the same thing with a side of stiff dick.

Moral of the Story: I he is not claiming you, he just claiming that pussy with a side a friendship AKA “We Cool!”

-The Selfish Dude


Making love is a beautiful thing. It allows you to be close to the one that you love. To look deep into her eyes, watch her fuck faces and watch her climax into infinity. You can turn her over and watch her bury her head into the sheets as her butt is tooted up in the air. It is a beautiful way to plant your seed deep into her bosom and procreate, bringing forth new life like plants in the field, replenishing the world and carrying on the family bloodline. People have been making loving since the beginning of time, which is why we are all here. Making love is such a stress relief.

But there is something to be said about head. I am not talking about that foreplay head or that head you give to finish off a sexual escapade. I’m talking about that “I had a long day” day head. That one sided head like “Let me take care of you and finish cooking dinner head” or that “ Let me suck you off right quick and go over the kids homework” head. That “Jump in the shower after a playing ball for 2 hours head”. People keep telling me hoes/thots are winning. That may be true in some cases, but I suspect head may be the culprit.

Don’t get me wrong. We love that you can cook. We appreciate how good of a mother you are. We love that you are career driven. We even love the deep conversation. Gifts are nice too. And we don’t want you to stop that but, rather and, we need something that drains our energy. We need something that requires no effort from us other than pulling down our pants. Something that makes us forget that anything else in the world exist. You would think sex does that, but sex is the transference of energy from one person to another. Head is energy being stolen. It is like someone temporarily stealing our soul for a moment in time, especially if you are doing it right. This is what your so called “Thots and Beckys” understand. They know no matter how fucked up they are, the head will make a man at least think twice. Random head that does not immediately turn into sex should be done once or twice a week. It is just the polite thing to do for your man. A lot of women are getting comfortable and forgetting about this beautiful gift, which cost nothing but a little time.

Disclaimer: This applies to wives, wifeys, and main chicks.

Moral of the Story: Want to be a winner, give some head for dinner.

The Selfish Dude

One Last Time

My momma used to say God is trying to warn you when you are doing something wrong. Well many people may not believe in Him. But have you ever noticed when you do something on last time that is when everything hits the fan. That is when everything goes bad. You have done something wrong a million times, but when you conscious finally gets to you and you say in your mind “I am going to do this one last time”, that is when everything fucks up. That last drink. That last key of coke. That last time you want to smash an old fling before settling down. That last $20 dollars you tried to steal out of the cash register from that job that sucks. That last 2 miles driving drunk, trying to make it to the house. You just had to cuss you boss out one last time.

That one last time never seems to be productive. You think it is a good idea because it has always worked before, but when you hear the “One last time” voice, you need to know that you are about to fuck up your life. That’s when you get locked up. That when you get the DUI. That is when coke monster makes you addicted. That is when she gets pregnant and takes you to court. That’s when you get caught on camera sticking that twenty twen twen in your pocket. That’s when instead if cussing your box out, you put those paws. That’s when the pussy get’s so good that you don’t know if you want to be with your wife or with your side chic/ your husband or that side nigga that is saying all that good shit in your ear and banging your back out.

It is always the little extra that fucks up the game. It’s always the greed that spoils the hustle. The moment when you go against what your mind is trying to tell you about your wrong doing, that is when trouble is around the corner. The universe is trying to warn you ……….. but go ahead with your dumb ass thoughts. You right. If you just do it one last time, everything will be alright. SIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moral of the story: Let the last time be the last time.

The Selfish Dude

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