I am learning a rough lesson in this relationship/ marriage thing. What is that lesson you might ask. She is lying. She is lying. She is lying. Maybe that is being tough on women. Maybe I am just being extra selfish in my comments today…….. but unless she is showing you documents and her actions match her words (or what you need) the whole year prior to you getting marriage, she is lying. And IF she is not lying to you, YOU ARE LYING TO YOURSELF nigga.
I knew that she was not the perfect one. The first two years had been perfect but the second two years had been rocky. This is where I first started lying to myself. Lie number one. I thought she could be the person she used to be. Whoever that person is not, that who you can expect to be with. They say it takes 66 days to create a habit (unlike the common belief that it takes 3 weeks). So if she has been acting a certain way for more than 2 months, THAT’S THE REAL HER!!! Don’t get stuck in the over sentimental memories of how things used to be or sweet memories, that lady has moved on and that chic that stands before you is the real her. The old her has moved on and whatever is before you is what you got. Don’t be a fool!!!
I made a list of things that I needed for a successful relationship a month out from getting married. I should have made that list a year out but I will blame it on the long distance relationship. Just know that if you have made a list of things that you need in a relationship or marriage, you already know what you are missing. And if she gives you a quick verbal yes, as Tommy said in the movie Belly “The bitch is lying!” This is lie number two. She is lying to you and you are lying to yourself! My list was simple from a man’s point of view.
1. Healthy cooking and going to the gym together.
2. Non foreplay head. Just because head.
3. Financial responsibility.
4. A smile and a kiss when I come in the house.
5. Her having a job. We agreed this was not going to be a housewife type situation.
6. Better communication.
7. A quiet space for me.
Guess what our issues are still. Matter if fact. We will call them my issues because I am tired of arguing.
1. Why is she cooking this big pan of brownies but only eating one. She know I love brownies. And why am I paying for this Planet Fitness membership that she hasn’t used in months. (She does cook better sometimes)
2. Still no head and I ain’t begging anymore.
3. She won’t ask for money when she needs it but every time I drive the family car, she complains I am using up all her gas.
4. I am still reminding her about his kiss and smile thing.
5. That job thing is still an issue but we are working on it.
6. She acts like not talking about something makes the issue go away.
7. I am now in the kids room since they are gone for the summer. I put the Apple TV in the living room with the cable. She moved it back. She watches TV in both rooms and she gets mad when I am in the kids room for quietness.
She never consciously planned on changing. She just gave me a quick answer.
Pacification – Lie number three
I can’t say she never changed. I just can say that the change was not permanent. During the rough times when I considered breaking up with her and we went to counseling, we had periods of bliss. But it was short lived. After I was no longer a bother and things seemed to get better, things returned to the way they were. So that really is just pacifying the situation. Which means she does not really plan on changing, she is just trying to fix the situation for the moment. Basically she is lying about changing. Don’t be a sucker.
If she cannot share her bank account statement with you, not only is she lying about being financially stable, but she is broke. Flat broke. If her car break down she can’t afford to get her car fixed, broke. She is living paycheck to paycheck, broke. And there is nothing wrong with being broke unless you are LYING about being broke. Lie number four. A person in a serious relationship is willing to show bank statements proving her financial stability. If she doesn’t, you will have arguments about who is paying for dinner, gas money, why she is broke for the month and using your card to order things online. We are assuming you are a trustworthy man who is financially stable yourself and won’t try to steal her money.
I could go on and on but I think I have made my point. If you wouldn’t hire her for a job and not that Stevie J type hiring, you might want to be honest with yourself. If you take away the sex and the love emotions, and you not left with much, you might want to be honest with yourself. If you not getting sloppy toppy because she likes giving sloppy toppy, nigga it ain’t worth it …… I mean you might want to be honest with yourself. And if she lying in the relationship, while you are trying in the relationship, you might want to be honest with yourself.
Moral of the story: If the relationship don’t fit, it’s better to quit.
~ The Selfish Dude ~